ready2shrug's Blog

I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET (from the original "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory")

Grandpa Joe:
I never thought my life could be
Anything but catastrophe
But suddenly I begin to see
A bit of good luck for me

'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden twinkle in my eye

I never had a chance to shine
Never a happy song to sing
But suddenly half the world is mine
What an amazing thing

'Cause I've got a golden ticket

[Spoken]
It's ours, Charlie!

[Sung]
I've got a golden sun up in the sky

I never thought I'd see the day
When I would face the world and say
Good morning, look at the sun
I never thought that I would be
Slap in the lap of luxury
'Cause I'd have said:

Charlie:
It couldn't be done

Grandpa Joe:
But it can be done

I never dreamed that I would climb
Over the moon in ecstasy
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be

Grandpa Joe and Charlie:
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day

Grandpa Joe:
[Spoken]
Good morning, look at the sun!

Grandpa Joe and Charlie:
[Sung]
'Cause I'd have said,
It couldn't be done

Grandpa Joe:
But it can be done

I never dreamed that I would climb
Over the moon in ecstasy
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be

'Cause I've got a golden ticket

Grandpa Joe and Charlie:
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day

If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.

~William Blake, "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell"

I'M YOUR MAN (Leonard Cohen)

WHO BY FIRE? (Leonard Cohen)

And who by fire, who by water,
Who in the sunshine, who in the night time,
Who by high ordeal, who by common trial,
Who in your merry merry month of may,
Who by very slow decay,
And who..., who shall I say is calling?

And who in her lonely slip, who by barbiturate,
Who in these realms of love, who by something blunt,
And who by avalanche, who by powder,
Who for his greed, who for his hunger,
And who..., who shall I say is calling?

And who by brave assent, who by accident,
Who in solitude, who in this mirror,
Who by his lady's command, who by his own hand,
Who in mortal chains, who in power,
And who..., who shall I say is calling?

And who..., who shall I say is calling?

And who by fire, who by water,
Who in the sunshine, who in the night time,
Who by high ordeal, who by common trial,
Who in your merry merry month of may,
Who by very slow decay,
And who..., who shall I say is calling?

And who..., who shall I say is calling?

START ME UP (Rolling Stones)

If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
I've been running hot
You got me ticking gonna blow my top
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop

You make a grown man cry
Spread out the oil, the gasoline
I walk smooth, ride in a mean, mean machine
Start it up

If you start it up
Kick on the starter give it all you got, you got, you got
I can't compete with the riders in the other heats
If you rough it up
If you like it you can slide it up, slide it up

Don't make a grown man cry
My eyes dilate, my lips go green
My hands are greasy
She's a mean, mean machine
Start it up

If start me up
Give it all you got
You got to never, never, never stop
Never, never
Slide it up

You make a grown man cry
Ride like the wind at double speed
I'll take you places that you've never, never seen
Start it up
Love the day when we will never stop, never stop
Never stop, never stop
Tough me up
Never stop, never stop, never stop

You, you, you make a grown man cry
You, you make a dead man come
You, you make a dead man come

YEA! HEAVY AND A BOTTLE OF BREAD (Bob Dylan - Live, 2003)

Well, the comic book and me, just us, we caught the bus.
The poor little chauffeur, though, she was back in bed
On the very next day, with a nose full of pus.
Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread
Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread
Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread

It's a one-track town, just brown, and a breeze, too,
Pack up the meat, sweet, we're headin' out
For Wichita in a pile of fruit.
Get the loot, don't be slow, we're gonna catch a trout
Get the loot, don't be slow, we're gonna catch a trout
Get the loot, don't be slow, we're gonna catch a trout

Now, pull that drummer out from behind that bottle.
Bring me my pipe, we're gonna shake it.
Slap that drummer with a pie that smells.
Take me down to California, baby
Take me down to California, baby
Take me down to California, baby

Yes, the comic book and me, just us, we caught the bus.
The poor little chauffeur, though, she was back in bed
On the very next day, with a nose full of pus.
Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread
Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread
Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread

DREAMIN' OF YOU (Bob Dylan)

The light in this place is really bad
Like being in the bottom of a stream
Any minute now I'm expecting to wake up from a dream
Miss so much, the softest touch
Like the grave of some child child
Who neither wept nor smiled
I'm hiding my faith in the rain
I've been dreamin' of you
That's all I do
And it's driving me insane

Somewhere dawn is breaking
Light is streaking across the floor
Church bells are ringing
I wonder who they're ringing for
Travel under any star
You'll see me wherever you are

The shadowy past is so vague and so vast,
I'm sleeping in the Palace of pain
I've been dreamin' of you
That's all I do
But it's driving me insane

Maybe they'll get me, maybe they won't
But whatever, it won't be tonight
I wish your hand was in mine right now,
We could go where the moon is wide

For years they had me locked in a cage,
Then they threw me onto the stage
Somethings just last longer then you thought they would
And they never ever explain
I'm dreamin' of you
That's all I do
And it's driving me insane

Well I eat when I'm hungry
Drink when I'm dry
Live my life on the square
Even if the flesh falls off my face
It won't matter as long as you're there

Feel like a ghost in love
Underneath the heavens above
Feel further away then I ever did before
Feel further than I can take
Dreamin' of you, that's all I do,
But it's driving me insane

Everything in the way is so shy like the day
In queer and unusual form
Spirals of golden haze here in there in a blaze
Like beams of light in a star.

Maybe you're here or maybe you weren't
Maybe you touched somebody and got burned
The silent sun has got me on the run
Burning a hole in my brain
I'm dreamin' of you,
That's all I do
But it's driving me insane.

*** The "PLAY" concert at the Sydney opera house. This is part of the Final Fantasy "Dancing Mad" performance. ~youtube user's notes

FLOWERS

Empty Spaces
What shall we use to fill the empty spaces
Where waves of hunger roar?
Shall we set out across this sea of faces
In search of more and more applause?
What Shall we do Now?
Shall we buy a new guitar?
Shall we drive a more powerful car?
Shall we work straight through the night?
Shall we get into fights?
Leave the lights on?
Drop bombs?
Do tours of the east?
Contract disease?
Bury bones?
Break up homes?
Send flowers by phone?
Take to drink?
Go to shrinks?
Give up meat?
Rarely sleep?
Keep people as pets?
Train dogs?
Raise rats?
Fill the attic with cash?
Bury treasure?
Store up leisure?
But never relax at all
With our backs to the wall
Backs to the Wall

As I walked out tonight in the mystic garden
The wounded flowers were dangling from the vines
I was passing by yon cool and crystal fountain
Someone hit me from behind

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
Through this weary world of woe
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
No one on earth would ever know

They say prayer has the power to help
So pray from the mother
In the human heart an evil spirit can dwell
I'm trying to love my neighbor and do good unto others
But oh, mother, things ain't going well

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
I'll burn that bridge before you can cross
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
They'll be no mercy for you once you've lost

Now I'm all worn down by weepin'
My eyes are filled with tears, my lips are dry
If I catch my opponents ever sleepin'
I'll just slaughter them where they lie

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
Through the world mysterious and vague
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
Walking through the cities of the plague

The whole world is filled with speculation
The whole wide world which people say is round
They will tear your mind away from contemplation
They will jump on your misfortune when you're down

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
Eatin' hog eyed grease in hog eyed town
Heart burnin' – still yearnin'
Someday you'll be glad to have me around

They will crush you with wealth and power
Every waking moment you could crack
I'll make the most of one last extra hour
I'll avenge my father's death then I'll step back

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
Hand me down my walkin' cane
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
Got to get you out of my miserable brain

All my loyal and much loved companions
They approve of me and share my code
I practice a faith that's been long abandoned
Ain't no altars on this long and lonesome road

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
My mule is sick, my horse is blind
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
Thinkin' ‘bout that gal I left behind

It's bright in the heavens and the wheels are flying
Fame and honor never seem to fade
The fire's gone out but the light is never dying
Who says I can't get heavenly aid?

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
Carrying a dead man's shield
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
Walkin' with a toothache in my heel

The suffering is unending
Every nook and cranny has it's tears
I'm not playing, I'm not pretending
I'm not nursing any superfluous fears

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
Walkin' ever since the other night
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
Walkin' ‘til I'm clean out of sight

As I walked out in the mystic garden
On a hot summer day, hot summer lawn
Excuse me, ma'am I beg your pardon
There's no one here, the gardener is gone

Ain't talkin', just walkin'
Up the road around the bend
Heart burnin', still yearnin'
In the last outback, at the world's end

Flow, my tears, fall from your springs!

Exiled for ever, let me mourn;

Where night's black bird her sad infamy sings,

There let me live forlorn.

Down vain lights, shine you no more!

No nights are dark enough for those

That in despair their lost fortunes deplore.

Light doth but shame disclose.

Never may my woes be relieved,

Since pity is fled;

And tears and sighs and groans my weary days

Of all joys have deprived.

From the highest spire of contentment

My fortune is thrown;

And fear and grief and pain for my deserts

Are my hopes, since hope is gone.

Hark! you shadows that in darkness dwell,

Learn to condemn light

Happy, happy they that in hell

Feel not the world's despite.

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AIN'T GONNA GO TO HELL FOR ANYBODY (Bob Dylan)

Lady, if you so spite me,
Wherefore do you so oft kiss and delight me?
Sure that my heart oppress'd overcloyed,
May break thus overjoy'd.
If you seek to spill me,
Come kiss me, sweet, and kill me.
So shall your heart be eased,
And I shall rest content and die, well pleased.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Spill me... kiss me/kill me... rest content and die, well pleased":

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_little_death

John Dowland:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Dowland

I'm stuck. I want to quit teaching. I have plans to go back to college next summer/fall/spring/summer, finishing a M.A. in TESOL, but I'm not even sure how I will go about doing that (i.e., technically it's a teaching degree that might afford many more opportunities like teaching abroad, and better money if I stay here... there are issues about how to do it).

If I play it "smart," I can take a leave of absence for a year and finish my degree, getting medical coverage and all the benefits I would normally get if I was still working (except for salary). But, if I do that, I am contractually bound to teach another year following my completion of my degree (or I will have to pay out of pocket for all the benefits the district gave me). The other option is just to leave the district and do it all on my own, but that not only means giving up my benefits, but I'd also miss out on the "tenure" I will earn when/if I get hired back after this year (this is my third year, so if you are hired back for your fourth, you are "tenured").

Today, a kid wrote on one of my test forms (anonymously), "Mr. XXXXX is a b*tch." By and large, my students do not like or respect me (even those who like school and come there ready to learn)... and while my self esteem should not be reliant on their approval, it feels utterly pointless to work my ass off and really try when it's obvious it means nothing to them and that I'm clearly doing a crappy job.

It would be one thing if I felt like they were learning something or that they could cooperate with me and see that in spite of the qualities about me that they don't like, the class still has value for them. They treat it like a joke, though... like an annoyance. I'm that jerk teacher everybody dreads going to, talks about behind his back, and openly defies during class to show they aren't down with the system.

I want out, but education degrees aren't exactly marketable and while I could always teach overseas (and might even land a good position with a MA in TESOL), I just don't feel like I'm any good at this, even though when I really think about it, I know what I am doing has value and merit.

To put it plainly, I feel like I cast pearls before swine. My day is pointless, degrading, and depressing. I dread work, am stressed to the max, and every weekend I'm angrily counting off the minutes that Monday grows closer.

I find myself wishing I could just chat with some of the kids who behave and who seem like they might actually be learning something, but I feel like the overall climate of hatred perpetrated by the students as a whole makes that impossible (and the good students would be mortified if I ever did just ask them what they thought about X, or if they thought there was a better way to teach Y).

At my old school, the good students used to apologize to me about how disrespectful some of their peers were and would assure me that I was doing a great job and that they were learning lots. Now, I just suck. Period.